I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
