I saw his package. It spoke to me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
