Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
