he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
