The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
