There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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