I think I died a long time ago.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
