i will never coherently bang her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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