come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
