before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
