He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
