just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
