a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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