Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
