she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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