He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish i was in the wii world.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
