one might say we're banned from that church
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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