Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
