He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
