I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
