I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
