I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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