I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
