Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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