One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
