Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
