took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
