My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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