worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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