we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
