i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
