i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
