I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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