I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
