I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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