I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
