Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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