Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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