susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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