WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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