Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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