What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
