I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Rumble strips road head = magical
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
