the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
