The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
