Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
