whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
