Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
