why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
