I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
