I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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