woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what day is it and did you see me today?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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