Cold hands, warm shart.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
